A guy with a black eye walks into a bar and orders a triple bourbon.
The bartender says “Having a tough day, huh?”
The guy says “Yeah. My wife and I were doing the dishes and she turned to me and said ‘Why don’t we ever make love to me like in the movies?’ So I bent her over the kitchen table, yanked her pants down and rammed it in hard. I jack-hammered her and slapped her on the ass as I pummeled her. Then I pulled it out, turned her around and blew my load all over her face.”
The bartender said “Wow! That sounds amazing but what’s up with the black eye?
“Turns out we watch waaaay different movies.”